Have you ever been told or read where you can choose to feel happy? But oh so argued with it, while you're in the depths of sadness, or anger, or fear? How in the hell can you choose to feel the way you want to feel, when you are so overwhelmed with the feeling you currently are experiencing? You can't just cut off the switch and make yourself stop feeling one way and flip on another one to feel the way you desire.
Oh how I went through this during my healing journey with abandonment issues. And oh the frustration I felt every time I was reminded I could choose they way I wanted to feel. I truly felt like saying, "The hell I can," despite how badly I did want to choose to feel differently. What was needed here? What was going on? What's going on with you, when you're wanting to choose how you feel?
Honor, respect, validation ... that's what's needed. Your ego is feeling pain, and that pain needs to be honored, respected and validated first before you can just flip that switch. That pain needs to be expressed. Suppression never works. It may give you a temporary, illusive relief, but what's really happening is the pain is deepening within you, and it's churning ... to be a volcanic eruption to handle later. If you nip what you're feeling right now in the bud, it can never grow to be such a gigantic monster that takes everything out of you heal it.
Now does this mean, if someone has angered you that you should go yell at them and blame them for everything? Not necessarily. It means you need to honor your pain, not someone else. You need to look at why you're feeling pain. And here's the kicker ... everyone is merely a mirror to you, a reflection of you. What you're wanting to yell at them is what they're reflecting to you that you don't like about yourself. Whether that's doing something you're doing somewhere else, perhaps differently, or in a lesser degree, or they're showing you something you know if you adopted some of what they're doing would be healthier for you.
My recommendation ... if you need to scream, scream. If you need to cry, cry. Work with your ego self, allow it to vent how it feels with you. Let it tell you all its pains. Ask it, why are you hurting, let it get it all out with you. Understand it has every right to feel the way it does, and validate that. And then comfort yourself, comfort your ego that is in pain. Once it's been heard, once it's been allowed to express and release the pain, it is then free of the poison that can enable you to yes, be able to choose the way you desire to feel.
Now do you need to talk with another, if you're having an issue with them? What will work best with you? Check with your Higher Self to see what is best for you and that person, and follow your highest joy for your answer. In situations where I do need to speak with them, I have found it very fruitful for me to also, surrender to my Higher Self and ask my Higher Self to do the talking for me, rather than my ego. Everyone feels safer with the Higher Self speaking lovingly and clearly than the ego speaking from pain.
So, yes, if you need to speak your truth to someone, speak it, but speak it with civility, gentleness and love. Truly consider, how would you want another to come talk to you with an issue they may have with you? Would you want them to attack you with hostility, and yelling? Or talk to you in a civil, kind, and loving manner?
The best way to always approach another is look at how you'd like to be approached. For one, anytime you speak to or do something to or for another, whether it be what you define as good or bad, you never truly do it to another ... you ultimately do it to yourself. Love yourself by loving the other. Be kind to yourself by being kind to another. And you will find your heart feeling far better than screaming and yelling and blaming them solely for your pain. And with discipline with your actions, you will see you chose to feel a better emotion.
My love to you all! :)
Love & Light,